What comes to mind when you hear the word “forgiveness”? Maybe it’s that time you fell out with a friend and then made amends. Perhaps it brings up thoughts of letting go, or “doing the right thing”. Could be that it reminds you of something that happened that you’re still trying to put to rest. Forgiveness has a lot of connotations for all of us – though, usually, they’re all about other people and what they did.

Last month, I asked, “What’s the most important relationship we all share?” My answer: it’s our relationship with ourselves. When the way we view ourselves is dragging us down, it drags down all the relationships we hold. That’s why with this month’s focus on mental health, I’m focusing on a particular aspect of forgiveness: how forgive ourselves, and why it’s important.

What is forgiveness?

As a coach, I’ve supported many people in the process of letting go. Often, I’ve found that we sometimes resist forgiving because we make it out to be something it’s not. For some of us, it feels like we’re justifying a wrongdoing by letting it slide, or sets the stage to make is vulnerable by letting down the guard we’ve since put up. Instead, in the context of forgiving yourself, consider:

  • Forgiving is NOT condoning mistakes you’ve made or problems you’ve caused.
  • Forgiveness is NOT defending yourself or justifying if what happened was good or bad.
  • Forgiving is NOT forgetting, ignoring or “sweeping something under the rug”.
  • Forgiveness IS about releasing internalised negativity and letting go of the emotional baggage you’ve been holding on to.

All in all? Forgiving yourself is about accepting that, in whatever happened, you did what you “did”, and you didn’t do what you “didn’t do” – and having it mean nothing more than that. Of course, we know that’s easier said than done.

As The Oblique Life’s Relationship Correspondent, I’m providing you with new articles every month to deepen what you know about yourself and others and how you can reliably bring out the best in your friendships and iron out those problems before they get to you.

Want to read the rest of the article? Delve deeper into Why is it Important to Forgive Ourselves and How do You Practice “Forgiving Yourself”? when you check out my article on The Oblique Life Digital Magazine.