One of the great things in life is how diverse people are and yet how much we have in common. From one place to the next, we can always make new friends and form new bonds. Yet, what brings us closer to some friends more than others? What drives a wedge through our friendships? How can we learn about ourselves through others to foster the most fulfilling relationships – and maybe to transform situations that might otherwise drag us down?

In celebrating diversity in all its forms, let’s look at the three things that we can learn about ourselves from others – and how you can use them to brighten up your relationships, too.

Your VALUES are everywhere

Think of a person that you really get along with. What about a friend that you find yourself at odds with? What’s the difference?

Ever since we met at weekly boardgames, my friend Emily and I really get along. We have a lot in common, yet it’s not just down to shared interests. Beyond our love of social deduction games, linguistics and bubble tea, we both deeply value our ambitions – and this is what has made our friendship so enduring.

By contrast, despite having similar interests, I find myself often at odds with my friend Tom. An example? When we were walking on the street together and he just threw his empty plastic cup by the side of the road, I was livid. How come? I care deeply about the environment, and his disregard for it doesn’t sit well with me; his actions infringed upon one of my core values.

Whether we think about them or not, our values mean everything to us. If you really get along with someone, you probably have a lot of shared values along with your shared interests. Likewise, when someone oversteps or flies in the face of one of your values, you’ll be able to tell because it’s instantly triggering. The more beliefs and values you share with those around you, the more harmonious your relationships will be.

In the context of your relationships, consider:

  • What do your closest friends say about what you care about?
  • What values are closest to your heart? Consider which ones you find unbearable to be stepped over.
  • What sorts of relationships, activities or lifestyles could you pursue that would put you more in touch with what’s important to you?

As The Oblique Life’s Relationship Correspondent, I’m providing you with new articles every month to deepen what you know about yourself and others and how you can reliably bring out the best in your friendships and iron out those problems before they get to you.

Want to read the rest of the article? Learn more about yourself and how Your IDEALS are Embodied and how Your SHADOWS are Reflected when you check out my article on The Oblique Life Digital Magazine.